The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, rest, and connection. But for many women of color, holidays can also bring stress, emotional exhaustion, and the resurfacing of old wounds. Between the pressure to “keep the peace” and the weight of generational expectations, it’s easy to leave family gatherings feeling drained instead of restored.

This season, it’s okay to choose peace over performance. Yourself over others...

Why the Holidays Can Feel Heavy for Women of Color

Research shows that Black women and other women of color experience higher levels of stress during the holidays due to cultural expectations, caretaking responsibilities, and financial pressures. Add in family triggers or unresolved trauma, and what’s meant to be a joyful time can feel emotionally unsafe. Those holiday triggers feel uncontrollable and out of place.

Many of us grew up being the strong one, the peacemaker, or the caretaker. But that strength often comes at the cost of our own boundaries and emotional needs. True strength means learning when to pause, rest, and honor your own peace.

Here’s 5 tips to maintain your peace and protect your mental well-being when family dynamics get complicated:

1. Name the Trigger Before It Names You

Start by identifying what typically sets you off: certain topics (politics, appearance, career

choices), relatives who push boundaries, or being expected to play the same old role.

Awareness helps you prepare instead of reacting.

You might journal beforehand:

● What are my biggest stress points during family gatherings?

● What boundaries do I want to hold this year?

● What does a peaceful holiday actually look like for me?

2. Create an Exit Strategy

Protecting your peace doesn’t make you rude; it makes you wise. Having an exit strategy means planning for when (not if) you need to take space. Examples include:

• Set a time limit: “I’ll stay for two hours, then leave for my evening plans.”

• Use a code word: Agree with a friend or partner on a discreet phrase that means, “I need a break.”

• Designate a safe space: Identify a quiet room, porch, or your car where you can step away to breathe.

• Drive separately: So you’re not dependent on others to leave when you’re ready.

These aren’t acts of avoidance. They’re acts of self-preservation and self-respect.

3. Regulate Your Body with Somatic Practices

Your body keeps the score of stress. Before, during, and after family events, use somatic

grounding techniques to calm your nervous system and restore balance:

• 5 Senses Grounding: Pause and name five things you see, four you can touch, three

  you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste.

• Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Tense and release each muscle group from head to

  toe to release stored tension.

• Box Breathing (4-4-4-4): Inhale for four seconds, hold for four, exhale for four, hold

again for four. Repeat until you feel centered.

These simple tools remind your body that you’re safe, even when emotions run high.

4. Affirmations for Breaking Generational Cycles

When old family patterns resurface, affirmations can anchor you in truth and growth. Try repeating these silently or out loud:

• “I am allowed to set boundaries without guilt.”

• “I honor my ancestors by healing what they could not.”

• “I am breaking cycles with grace and compassion.”

• “It’s safe for me to choose peace over perfection.”

• “I release the need to perform for acceptance.”

Affirmations help reprogram your inner dialogue, shifting you from survival mode to

self-empowerment.

5. Seek Support When You Need It

If family stress or trauma feels overwhelming, consider therapy or other affirming spaces that honor your lived experience. Healing in community, whether through therapy, faith-based circles, or trusted friendships reminds you that you don’t have to carry it all alone.

You can learn more about how Perfectly Imperfect Counseling Services supports women of

color navigating stress, anxiety, burnout, and overwhelm at

www.perfectlyimperfectonline.com

Resources for Reflection & Support

Here are a few tools to support your healing and peace this season:

• Podcast: Therapy for Black Girls – Managing Holiday Anxiety

• Book: Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships by Nedra Glover Tawwab

• 📱 App: Insight Timer A free meditation app with thousands of guided practices, calming music, and short talks to help you reset when anxiety spikes.

● Apple App Store ● Google Play Store 

You can love your family and still protect your peace. Healing isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing up differently than before. This holiday, give yourself the gift of calm, compassion, and choice.

Final Thoughts

You deserve holidays that feel healing, not heavy. Protecting your peace doesn’t mean you love your family any less; it means you love yourself enough to stay grounded in who you are

becoming. This year, may your boundaries be firm, your heart be soft, and your joy be your own.

This post was written by Devaion White, an intern with Perfectly Imperfect Counseling

Services. As part of my learning journey, I’m honored to share reflections that speak to the

experiences so many of us face. Thank you for reading. I hope it offered you a gentle reminder that you deserve rest and care, too.

Thank you for taking the time to read and reflect with me. If this post resonated with you,

I’d love for you to stay connected and continue this journey toward balance and restoration.

Visit our websites:

🌐 www.perfectlyimperfectonline.com 

🌐 www.empowerhersociety.co 

Stay in touch on social media, too! ✨ Follow EmpowerHer Society on Instagram  @theempowerhersociety  ✨ Connect with founder Jennifer Nicole on Instagram  @sheisjennifernicole or on LinkedIn  Jennifer Nicole Brown.

Disclaimer 

The resources mentioned in this post are shared because I believe they could be helpful and

have personally found them of interest. I am affiliated with Perfectly Imperfect Counseling

Services as the founder and a therapist, and EmpowerHer Society as its creator and

facilitator. I share them as part of my mission to support women of color in their journey toward self-love, empowerment, and balance.

For all other resources, I am not affiliated and do not receive compensation for sharing them. These resources are provided solely for informational purposes to support your personal growth and well-being. I encourage you to explore them and determine if they align with your needs